At last, the full version of the Lenin letter template, using only phrases and sentences from the man’s own letters:
Dear …,
I am writing under the fresh impression of your letter, which I have just read. Although you have resented my previous missives, I shall try to be mild and kind.
I know of no task more fatiguing, more thankless and more disgusting than to have to wade through this filth. Yet your senseless twaddle is so exasperating that I am unable to suppress the desire to state my opinion frankly.
You propose that we should [fill in proposal here, such as:] collaborate with magniloquent liberal windbags, that we should philander with reaction. Strictly speaking, this proposal is too ludicrous to merit serious consideration, the product of either a charlatan or an absolute blockhead. The only answer can be a bitter laugh. You may couch it in pompous, high-blown phrases, but it is really befouled and spattered with shit. All your talk about freedom and democracy is sheer claptrap, parrot phrases, the product of mean-spirited boors, and your education, culture, and enlightenment are only a species of thoroughgoing prostitution. It is a ridiculous and puerile attempt to be clever.
You either cannot think logically, or you are a liberal hypocrite, wriggling like the devil at mass. May I make one suggestion, as difficult as it may seem: scrape off all this green mould of intellectualist opportunism.
Yours,
…
P.S. I cannot share your regret at not having met. After your tricks and your conniving attitude, I do not wish to have anything to do with you except in a purely official way, and only in writing.
10 March, 2012 at 10:53 pm
I know of no task more fatiguing, more thankless and more disgusting than babysitting you on our raids, but in this particular instance (pun not intended), you seemed far more interested in role-playing than in little, peripheral concerns like finding and killing Zul’jin.
You either cannot think logically, or you are a liberal hypocrite, wriggling like the devil at mass. Taking a full week to get your characters to level 23 and then deciding you don’t like their attribute spread is trying our patience. You wouldn’t even qualify for the expansions if Glen hadn’t power-leveled your guys while you were at camp—a time-saving maneuver that I am beginning to regret ever having suggested.
May I make one suggestion, as difficult as it may seem: The Destroyers of Infinity have lofty ambitions, and we have gotten Leeroyed by the likes of you too many times to let it go. Please choose where your allegiances lie, Paul, and have the decency to unsubscribe if you’re not going to exert the kind of commitment that creates legends.
10 March, 2012 at 11:17 pm
The green mould of intellectual opportunism … you can’t deploy the Lenin letter template without that phrase at least.
11 March, 2012 at 4:11 am
“Scrape off all this green mould of intellectualist opportunism; now is the time for Americans to stand tall and united in the face of an ultimate evil, not to nitpick about who obviously doesn’t understand what the films are even about. And it certainly isn’t the time to actually dare to claim that Claudia Wells was a better Jennifer than Elisabeth Shue.“
11 March, 2012 at 5:05 am
This is the product of either a charlatan or an absolute blockhead.